I feel like if I don’t act now, I will not get what I want. If I don’t do what I have to do, I will not get satisfaction. I feel like instead of growing up, I am lowering down.
I haven’t changed.
I have been stuck. Maybe at the back of my mind, I want it to be this way, maybe because the idea of stability calms me. I love the idea of having something to do for a long period of time, something that gives me an essence of significance, that I can do something, and do it well. I know and I am aware that I have to grow,
I cannot stay the way that I am, if I am not content with my life, the only logical way is to change something about it. What I lack is courage. I am not the bravest person. I need to have more confidence. I keep on telling people to believe in themselves, perhaps those are the exact words that I want to hear someone tell me. I am never used to asking anyone for help. I haven’t opened up to anybody about my worries, what upsets me.
I always felt like I can fix my problems, I can realize what I have to do and do it. Sometimes, I take a lot of time to do things, but I have proven in the past that I can be what I want to be if I try hard enough. That’s what I need, to try something. I need to take dangerous risks.
The path to greatness is always filled with failures.
Life is not a box of chocolates. I would have to work myself out to buy those boxes of happiness. I need someone to believe in me. I want someone to tell me “You can do that!” “You are great!” “You are awesome!” I need someone to tell me that it’s okay to be me. That I don’t have to be someone I’m not. That I’m different, and that’s okay.
I feel stressed, I feel suffocated, I feel trapped, I want to shout all my woes away. I want to run, far. I want to scream my lungs out. I want to be able to look at the bright afternoon sky and say I’m happy. I want to feel proud. I want to feel accomplished. I want to stop dreaming of becoming what I’m not. I want to be me, I want to be happy to be who I am.